The First Presidential Debate

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From Denver University, this is Jim Lehrer. Good evening, and welcome to the first of three Presidential Debates, sponsored by the Commission on Presidential Debates, between the Democratic nominee, President Barack Obama of Illinois, and the Republican nominee, Mitt Romney of Massachusetts. The focus of this debate is on domestic issues. Mr. President,

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Good evening, Jim.

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The first question is for you. Mister President, when you ran for this office four years ago, America was faced with an unprecedented crisis. Now, four years later, the specter of David Cook defeating David Archuleta on Season 7 of American Idol remains fresh in our minds –

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?!?

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Mister Romney, please, I’ll get to you shortly. Again, Mister President – with the specter of David Cook fresh in our minds, what can we say to Americans needing assurance that a Canadian will never again win their Idol?

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Jim, as your President, I’ve worked hard, from the Oval Office to golf courses and fund raisers across this great country, working hard to keep American Idol American. I am proud to have met this hard job the American people tasked us with four years ago head on. And to date, with your help and my hard work, we have succeeded. With our work, your hope and change will sweep us into the White House this November.

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Mister Romney, a rebuttal?

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Jim, I’m…I’m…flabbergasted here. Mister Obama’s policies have brought us over forty months in excess of 8% unemployment, 25 million unemployed or underemployed, taken our credit rating from triple-A, and increased our debt to $16 Trillion. And you’re discussing American Idol?

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Mister Romney, the undecided voter expressed interest in a range of topics from American Idol to Honey Boo Boo. Even the importance of the return of the NFL Referees –

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– which I, as your President, helped to resolve –

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Thank you for that, sir. Now for your question, Mister Romney.

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sigh Alright, Jim, go ahead.

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Yes, Mister Romney. As you suggest, the economy has been through a bit of a rough patch during the last four years: job losses, gross additions to the national debt, loss of hope in general. My question, sir: why should we re-elect you to a second term?

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