Notes from an Undisclosed Location

At an undisclosed location…

Ax: Joe, I’m sorry to put so much pressure on you coming out of the first debate.

Joe: David, you don’t know how much my head hurts right now.

…all of this math is just killing me. I mean, I’m really good at the “there’s a train that leaves Tacoma at 8 PM headed East at 30 miles per hour, and another train leaving Chicago leaving at 4 PM headed west at 50 miles per hour, where do the two trains meet?” questions. But the budget is hard, Jim, really hard.

Ax: Okay, Joe, let’s take a break from the number crunching and work a bit on your debating skills. We’ve brought in Chris Van Hollen to serve as Paul Ryan. Chris?


CVH: All right, Joe, this session I want to keep simple. Just three points to work on. First, in the Presidential debate all the focus was on President Obama’s inability to focus on Mitt Romney when he talked. It made the President seem distant, detached. I want you to focus on me while I talk. Okay?

Joe: Got it. Focused.

CVH: great. Second point. Who do we blame?

Joe: This guy.

CVH: Perfect, Joe. Last, I want to -as you’re looking at me and focusing on me, to think as I’m saying my words, that I am Paul Ryan. Got it?

Joe: Got it. Ready when you are, Chris.

CVH: Okay, here goes. Remember: focus on me, see me as Paul Ryan, W is to blame.
We face a crushing burden of debt. The debt will soon eclipse our entire economy and grow to catastrophic levels in the years ahead.


No economy can sustain such high levels of debt and taxation. The next generation will inherit a stagnant economy and a diminished country. Frankly, it’s one of my greatest concerns as a parent, and I know many of you feel the same way.


The facts are clear: Since taking office, President Obama has signed into law spending increases of nearly 25% for domestic government agencies, an 84% increase when you include the failed stimulus.

Joe: Ow! Chris, there you go again with the math!

CVH: And who do we blame for the math, Joe?


CVH: Think, Joe, think! Who do we blame?


Ax: Very good, Joe. Let’s take a break. Model train’s ready to go in the back room.


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